Pointy-haired Boss (Version 2.0)
By Brenda Sutton
© May 2002

G C D7 G/C D7 G/C D C D7/
G C D7 G/C D7 G/C D C D7/
C D7 G/C D7 G C D7/C D7 G/
C D7C D7/G C/C D7 G

C D7 G to the end

Pointy-haired boss hires you as the qualified pro,
Pays a salary for all you know
And then countermands your suggestions.
Pointy-haired boss orders pizza to trap you at work,
And then toddles off home, like a jerk,
Leaving you with the indigestion.
Pointy-haired boss claims in verbiage omniscient
That the cube is efficient use of workspace, and oh so cozy.
Pointy-haired boss times your breaks and your lunches,
Promotes morons on hunches,
Stresses out and then flings things
Oh, Pointy-haired boss, must be good to be king.

Pointy-haired boss likes to throw in a buzzword or two,
Loves "pro-active" and "paradigm." Ooh!
But don’t ask for a definition.
Pointy-haired boss wants the volume of speakerphones loud,
Conducts business on cell phones in crowds,
And steals taxis with no contrition.
Pointy-haired boss has a problem with time off,
Your pneumonia’s a small cough.
"Here’s a tissue; just keep on working!
Pointy-haired boss undercuts her own granny,
Backstabs and kicks your fanny
All the way to the bank. Thank you
Pointy-haired boss! We’ll bend over – you spank.

Pointy-haired boss doesn’t actually know what you do,
Yet feels confident writing reviews
That will impact career decisions.
Pointy-haired boss thinks technology is "really great!"
The computer is a paperweight
That plays Solitaire with precision.
Pointy-haired boss dangles raises like carrots,
Without reason or merit,
Issues meaningless memoranda.
Pointy-haired boss goes on junket vacations,
Offers lame explanations (of why)
Nepotism’s okay, hey (there)
Pointy-haired boss,

We do just what you say. We don’t do what you do.
We won’t ever, no way, become pond scum like you!
When we make our big bucks, and your karma kicks in,
And you’re down on your luck, and you’re balding and thin,
We’ll remember your fame, and we will cross the road
As you go up in flames……… we’ll employ you, you toad!

Note 1: This song is in no way, shape or form inspired by Mr. Evan Hackel, the president of Flooring America, who is (bar none) the very best boss on the face of the planet, and who should be held as the penultimate role model for anyone considering a career in corporate management.  As for the rest of you... squirm, baby,... SQUIRM!

Note 2: This is the second version of Pointy-haired Boss.  In the original version, the last line was "we'll piss on you, you toad!"  I wrote the line using the following logical progression:

(I feel so much better getting that off my chest...)