Don't Ever Call Me Stupid
By Brenda Sutton
1994

The first time Bill and I saw the movie A Fish Called Wanda, I thought my husband was having a heart attack.  He was just laughing so hard that his chest hurt.  This song followed soon after that event.

Don't Ever Call Me Stupid appears on the Strangers No More CD available from
DAG Productions http://www.filk.com/store/index.htm.

Verse: A E A Dbm/D E/ A E A Dbm/D E/ D/F/ A Dbm D/A Dbm A D/ E A Dbm
Chorus: A E A Dbm/D A Dbm/F A/ Esus4 E/D/F/A Dbm D/A Dbm A D/D E A Dbm - A - Dbm

You say, "Don't ever call me stupid!"
But what's a girl like me to do
When I know that the very dress I'm wearing
Has a measurably higher I.Q.?
I know thinking is a strain,
For the current from your brain
That's produced while reading Nietche, Freud, and Zen
Would not quite ignite a flicker in a half watt light bulb.
You are the stupidest of men!

Chorus:
And Aristotle was not from Belgium.
This truth bespeaks your mental health;
To wit: the main point of Buddhism
Is no "Every man for himself."
And I'm afraid I've found
That the London Underground
Is not a political movement.
So I will call you stupid, Stupid.
You're crawling down the road to self improvement.

You say, "Don't ever call me stupid!"
But stupidity is all I ever see.
Dense of duffus, dim or Dumbo
Would also fit you to a T.
A great big ape and you
Share a common trait or two:
You both read Nietche, but you don't understand it.
I am trying to break this to you gently, Einstein,
You couldn't be less brainy if you planned it.

Chorus

You say, "Don't ever call me stupid!"
When your brain is slightly smaller than your balls.
And, except for primal loco-motor reflex,
I would swear you have no grey matter at all.
I find you rather cute,
But you are such a jealous brute.
Please stop dangling my lovers out of windows!
Our relationship, at best, is a strange orgasmic test.
Now I've documented proof of male bimbos.

 Some of my favorite dialogue from the movie: 

Wanda: Let me correct you on a few things. Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every Man for Himself". And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked 'em up.

So, you have just dangled the only man that can keep you out of prison and make you rich out of a fifth story window. What are you going to do?

What would an intellectual do?

What would Plato do?

Chorus

You say, "Don't ever call me stupid!"
When neurologically you are brain dead.
Yet, though your cranium's non-functional,
You still have a magnificent head.
I go jelly in the knees.
I say, "Speak Italian please!"
And you whisper, "Cara mia, promolone,
Te adora, Mazarati, tutti fruiti, Parmesan,
And baby, besa mia pepperoni."

Final Chorus:
And Aristotle was not from Belgium.
This truth bespeaks your mental health;
To wit: the main point of Buddhism
Is no "Every man for himself."
And I'm afraid I've found
That the London Underground
Is not a political movement.
So I will call you stupid, Stupid.
You're crawling down the road to self improvement.