The War Between the Sexes
By Brenda Sutton
1987

We have only a few hard and fast rules at Bedlam House.  One of the most important is: Put the toilet seat... DOWN!

This war's been on since time began between the woman and the man.
The ancient paintings on the walls of Erectus and Neanderthal
Show her all steamed because he's thrown his halfway eaten mammoth bones
Around her nice clean cave!

Now the corporate executive, his hard day done, would like to live
As free from three-piece suits and ties as he can be; the clothing flies
And lands in piles on the floor, or stuffed into a dresser drawer
For wifey/mistress/slave!

Chorus:
Oh, it's just another skirmish in the war between the sexes.
The battle lines have long been drawn, the casualties mount higher.
The social whips, the ego stings are bred in the reflexes.
It's check and mate; all right you pawns, read? Aim. FIRE!

And now the days of equal rights have cast a most confusing light
Upon the grand romantic dance.  There's twice the risk with every chance.
The woman asks for all things fair, yet still insists he hold her chair
Before she will sit down?

There's the different roles that he must live; the macho, or the sensitive?
To lust her bod, or love her mind?  To kill the bugs but still be kind?
And she gets her emotions crossed as mother, lover, wife and boss.
It's all so turned around!

There's nothing makes you madder than, as she goes to ease her bladder
When something else is on her mind.  She sits to find that her behind
Has slipped upon the pee-splashed brim to fall into the water
In the goddamn toilet bowl!

And likewise it tees off the man when he goes in to use the can
The timing makes the job a trick, the buckle tams, the zipper sticks,
He's going to burst but to be neat, he has to lift the friggin' seat
And still not lose control!

Chorus:
Oh, it's just another skirmish in the war between the sexes.
The battle lines have long been drawn, the casualties mount higher,
And higher, and higher!
The social whips, the ego stings are bred in the reflexes.
It's check and mate; all right you pawns, ready, Aim?  FIRE!